A Letter to the Friends of Fat Single Women

An open letter to all non-fat friends of single fatties.

Dear non-fat friends,

I love you all, even those of you who are not my friends but the friends of other fatties. You're awesome, because you don't buy into the shallow bullshit that a lot of other people do. Fatties are used to people avoiding them because they either think fat is contagious, or that fatties are not "cool enough" for them. So kudos to those of you who don't buy into that and love your fatty friends.

But I want to talk to you about the way you approach your single fat friends with the subject of dating. Cos some of you get it really wrong. And I want to help you get it right!

• It is ok to arrange for us to meet single guys that you know, so long as you ask us first. Either blind dates or introducing us at an event.
• Ask yourself "Would I date him?" If the answer is no, then don't suggest him to us. We are fat, we are not desperate.
• The guy that lives with his mother... is he caring for her or is she caring for him? If she's caring for him, don't suggest him to us.
• Do not suggest that we are lesbians unless we have expressed desire for women. Fat women are not all closet lesbians. It's an insult to everyone to think this way.
• If you know that we are a lesbian, it's ok to introduce us to other lesbians. Do not introduce us to other fat women on the assumption that we will just get our fat on together and become lesbians.
• Do not suggest that we may get more dates if we "just lose some weight". We don't want to date the kind of men who won't date us as we are.
• Do not tell us "But you have such a pretty face." when we complain about being single. This implies the following sentence "Despite your fat body."
• When we are out together, and some guy behaves like a douchebag towards we fatties, do not then give him your phone number, flirt with him or have sex with him, no matter how hot he is. This tells us that some douchebag is of more value than our friendship. Besides, if he treats us badly now, he's probably going to treat you badly later.
• Do not suggest that we should cover up any of the fat bits of our bodies before we go out. Yes, I know I have big fat arms. I don't care, it's hot and this sleeveless top is pretty.
• Don't ask your fat friends for dating advice, and then dismiss it because they are fat and probably don't get any dates anyway. They're used to having to think more about how other people behave, they probably have the best advice.
• Remember, if you wouldn't go out with him, don't suggest him to us. Just gotta make sure you understand that one.
• If you double date with a fat friend, don't comment on her food or your own. Nobody really cares but you, and you'll just make your friend feel bad for no reason.
• Don't ask your fat friend how she got a date with the great guy. She got it because she is awesome and he's smart.
• Most of all, treat your single fat friend the same way you would treat any other single friend.

Again, you're an awesome friend and we know you mean well, but sometimes it's hard to understand that something can be hurtful when your intentions are good.

Thanks for being a great friend.

The Fatties.

Welcome!

Well hello there. Welcome to my shiny new blog. Come on in, make yourself comfortable. Don't mind the mess, I'm just moving in, so I'll be setting up for a little while. I hate the decor, but I'll be whipping out my decorating kit over the next few days, don't despair.

Some of you may already know me from other blogs (which I may pop in the sidebar later, just for your reference), others may be here because you've found me out there in the land of the interwebz and you're curious to know more about this aspect of my life. Either way, you are most welcome.

A little about why I am setting up this blog perhaps? Well, let's see...

Firstly, I am rather inspired by the work of Natalie, Nick, Sonya, Janey and Zoe have started on The Axis of Fat. I think we need more fat positivity/acceptance work from Australians (this is a very, very fat phobic country) and I'm willing to put my blogging where my mouth is, and join this community.

I also want to be a voice for fat, single women over 35, as I am one myself. I don't seem to be able to find any others out there, but I'd love to be proven wrong. Leave me a link in the comments if you know of any out there. It's hard enough being single, fat, or over 35 individually, combine the three and you have a whole swag of fun and games to deal with.

I want to do something positive in the face of all the negativity and hatred/anger towards fat women (and men for that matter). And while I am projecting positivity, I am also drawing positivity towards me, which like any vulnerable human being, I need, despite the fact that I look and sound like a super confident lady on the surface.

And finally, I want to share my story in the hope that the fat phobes out there will stop and think about what the hell they're spouting, and about the fact that they're spreading hate towards their fellow human beings who have feelings and hopes and aspirations.

So watch this space, I hope that you find some positivity and insight in my writing.