What's in a Name?

Now don't get too used to two posts in the same night, I just want to give you a deeper introduction so you all know what I'm about early in the piece.

Ok, where to start hey? Well, perhaps I'll tell you why I chose the title "Fat Heffalump" for this blog. I chose it, to reclaim it as mine. Because when I was a kid, in fact, right up until the last time I spoke to him about 5 years ago, my very cruel brother always called me a "Fat Heffalump". And it hurt. Oh boy, every time he used that phrase, it tore a hole in my soul that was raw, bleeding and sheer agony. I can't tell you the number of tears I have cried over the words "fat heffalump".

The worst times were when he used it in front of other people. He delighted in calling me that in front of his friends, my friends, boys at school, our family, loudly in public places in front of strangers. Because he knew it hurt me to the core.

And I would make some kind of joke, call him a wanker and laugh it off, all the while a piece of me was dying inside. I died inside for many, many years. From as early as I can remember, I was dying inside because of other people's remarks. I was very good at hiding my tears, hiding how much I hurt. Everyone thought I was "happy bubbly Kath", but the truth was that up until a few years ago, I was a huge well of emotional pain.

But something changed over the past few years. Some of it due to professional counselling, some of it due to finding my own strength and removing a lot of hurtful people from my life, but adding beautiful, delicious, accepting, big hearted, positive, gentle, giving people to my life. I've learned to value myself, and that the people are worth having in my life will never be cruel or hurtful, that they'll raise me up, not slam me down.

So I am taking back the words "fat heffalump". They are mine. I now embrace those two words with affection. They are not something that has power over me, but something that I am fond of for my own reasons.

I don't really know what a heffalump is (it sounds kind of fuzzy and cute really) but if anyone creative wants to draw/paint/create me their interpretation of one, I'll feature it here on this blog and plug your artwork all over the place. I'll sing your praises from the rooftops!

Welcome!

Well hello there. Welcome to my shiny new blog. Come on in, make yourself comfortable. Don't mind the mess, I'm just moving in, so I'll be setting up for a little while. I hate the decor, but I'll be whipping out my decorating kit over the next few days, don't despair.

Some of you may already know me from other blogs (which I may pop in the sidebar later, just for your reference), others may be here because you've found me out there in the land of the interwebz and you're curious to know more about this aspect of my life. Either way, you are most welcome.

A little about why I am setting up this blog perhaps? Well, let's see...

Firstly, I am rather inspired by the work of Natalie, Nick, Sonya, Janey and Zoe have started on The Axis of Fat. I think we need more fat positivity/acceptance work from Australians (this is a very, very fat phobic country) and I'm willing to put my blogging where my mouth is, and join this community.

I also want to be a voice for fat, single women over 35, as I am one myself. I don't seem to be able to find any others out there, but I'd love to be proven wrong. Leave me a link in the comments if you know of any out there. It's hard enough being single, fat, or over 35 individually, combine the three and you have a whole swag of fun and games to deal with.

I want to do something positive in the face of all the negativity and hatred/anger towards fat women (and men for that matter). And while I am projecting positivity, I am also drawing positivity towards me, which like any vulnerable human being, I need, despite the fact that I look and sound like a super confident lady on the surface.

And finally, I want to share my story in the hope that the fat phobes out there will stop and think about what the hell they're spouting, and about the fact that they're spreading hate towards their fellow human beings who have feelings and hopes and aspirations.

So watch this space, I hope that you find some positivity and insight in my writing.