Showing posts with label negativity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label negativity. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

When Lady Journalists Attack

Well, have I got something for you tonight! This article was published in the Courier Mail (Brisbane, Australia) today with the dramatic title of "Plus-size Models Doing Big Girls No Favour".

In it, the author, Susie O'Brien suggests that the increase in plus-size models in the fashion market are not a good idea because it gives the impression that it's ok to be fat. She also criticises television shows like Drop Dead Diva and the fact that retailers are starting to provide fashionable clothing for plus-sized women. To quote her directly:'
But there are also many larger people who are just plain fat, and who would be better off being encouraged to lose weight rather than always be told it's ok to be overweight.
Now firstly, I don't know about you, but I've never experienced being "always told it's ok to be overweight". ALWAYS told that Ms O'Brien? I am wondering where you got that idea. Perhaps it was the people on the street who yell encouragingly at fat women "Go for it sister!! Rock that hot fat body you sexy thing!" Or the constant news pieces about how AWESOME it is that there is an obesity crisis going on in our country. Maybe it's those doctors that tell us that our wonderful fat bodies protect us from disease and illness?

Oh hang on... that's in the reverse universe! Silly me. *eyeroll* Ms O'Brien dear, back to this universe hmmm?

She then goes on to say:
But it's time to get real - fat people may be happier but they're also digging their graves with a fork, and we're all paying for it.
Firstly, last time I looked I was a tax payer, in fact a taxpayer that has one of the highest quotas in relation to my income, because as a single, woman without children who works full time, and has private health cover, I'm not collecting anywhere from the Government for the tax I pay. So am I not entitled to a piece of my tax dollar coming back to me? Fat people pay tax too y'know Ms O'Brien.

And secondly, here we go again, the old fat people shame trick. All of us fatty pigs that are going to die and make the rest of "normal society" pay their hard earned dollars for us to be happy and fat.

Now, they didn't publish my comment that I left on this article, probably because it makes sense, but what I asked is this - If shaming and pressuring people into thinness actually worked to make the "obesity crisis" go away, wouldn't we have seen evidence of this by now? After all, Westerners have been heavy into the diet thing for some decades now. I know that my Grandmother has been dieting and felt shame about her weight all my life, and as you know I'm past 35. I daresay she was doing so before I was born. It was really the 50's and 60's that saw the diet/body obsession culture kick off, and then it kind of went nuclear in the 80's. So if all these decades of shame and body obsession and thin = beauty actually worked, wouldn't the levels of obesity in our culture be decreasing, not increasing? Wouldn't the average be smaller than in the past, than larger?

Perhaps, just perhaps, by empowering people with confidence, strong self esteem, and a sense of achievement and a place in society, they're more likely to be productive, healthy members of that society? They're more likely to have the confidence to take on a productive role in society, to be active and willing participants in life rather than shutting themselves away in shame and embarrassment.

I certainly think so.

But what I think sums up Ms O'Brien perfectly is this sentence.

Losing weight is hard work. It takes sacrifice and effort. As a mother of three in my late 30's with a new gym membership, I know this first-hand.
I think I understand. Perhaps Ms O'Brien doesn't like her own body. If she doesn't like her own body, how dare anyone that she considers fatter than her like theirs? Everyone should put in all that sacrifice and effort that she is. Let alone all that money she spent on her fancy gym membership. Perhaps if Ms O'Brien stopped worrying about how everyone else is living their lives, and focused on letting go of her own body issues, she might realise that it's none of her business.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Dahling! You Look Fabulous!

Phew! Let's start with a little housekeeping before I get my teeth into this blog. I have had some trouble with the comment function on here, but thanks to some folks who helped me test some tweaks I have made, it looks like I've ironed the bugs out. Please let me know if you have any further problems.

Now, back to the subject at hand hmmm?

Tonight I think I'll talk about clothing and fashion for the fatty about town.

Now we all know how hard it is to find clothes for the plus sized figure. Either they're frumpy and matronly, they don't go to a big enough size, they're huge tent-like sacks, they have ludicrous clown print fabric, or if they're any good, they're so expensive that you'd have to sell a kidney to be able to afford them.

But somehow, we find clothes that we like and we wear 'em, cos that's what you do with clothes. This is where we fatties find a whole new bunch of complications. It's the CLOTHING/FASHION POLICE! Yes, those fabulous people who LOVE to cast their judgement over what you are wearing, and make comments either to you, or behind your back, or worse, in a room full of people that causes you vast embarrassment.

You know the ones. They tug on your clothing as if to cover your "unsightly bits" without being asked to. They say in a concerned tone "Oh you know if that skirt was just a little bit longer, it would be perfect on you." Or "You're so brave wearing so much colour, I find black very slimming." "You really like that top, don't you?" I could go on, but you're probably all used to it. All those passive-aggressive ways of passing judgement.

To start with, the world thinks it owns women's bodies and the right to judge them and comment on them. But make those bodies FAT bodies, and it's really open season. These are the people who love to tell us what is "flattering". Which usually translates to what hides your body from their view, because they find it offensive.

Here's a tip to all those people who like to make negative or judgemental comments about the clothing fat people wear:

Mind your own business. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything. If you genuinely want to compliment something, feel free, that's lovely and respectful, and it's likely to get the person wearing that outfit again. But if you want to criticise and cast judgement, keep it to yourself. Think about how you feel when someone does that to you. Does it make you feel good? Does it achieve anything positive? I don't think so.

For the fatties out there, there are some simple ways to disarm the clothing/fashion police, without stooping to their level. Here are some that I have learnt to use:
  • Thank you but I have/am my own stylist.
  • Does my wearing clothes that show the shape of my body bother you?
  • My muu-muu is in the wash, sorry.
  • Why should I wear black? Did someone die? (this one is best said in slightly hushed, worried tones)
  • Nanna doesn't like it when I wear her clothes.
Here's the thing. Criticism rarely works when it comes to style. It either inspires shame, or if you're like me, I get stubborn and wear it twice as much. But when someone compliments you and says "You look nice today." or "Oh wow, I love those shoes!" the truth is, you're much more likely to wear whatever is being complimented again, because you feel good. When you feel good, you look good. It shines through you. Yes, even we fatties look great when we feel great.

Looking great doesn't necessarily mean looking thin either. Look at Queen Latifah.

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She's a big girl, but she always looks AMAZING. She shows off those curves and those thighs and that butt. She doesn't hide her arms because they're not all toned like Madonna (who takes it a bit far probably!)

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She glows with confidence and glamour, because it's very clear she feels good about herself.

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It's not about how thin she looks, it's about how she carries herself and feels.

In the not too distant future I'll share some shopping options for we fatties (in the mean time, if you know any please leave info in the comments) but before we even get to shopping, we need to remember that our bodies are not hideous and ugly, they are not something to be ashamed of. And that when we're confident and value ourselves, we look great as well as feel great.