Dahling! You Look Fabulous!

Phew! Let's start with a little housekeeping before I get my teeth into this blog. I have had some trouble with the comment function on here, but thanks to some folks who helped me test some tweaks I have made, it looks like I've ironed the bugs out. Please let me know if you have any further problems.

Now, back to the subject at hand hmmm?

Tonight I think I'll talk about clothing and fashion for the fatty about town.

Now we all know how hard it is to find clothes for the plus sized figure. Either they're frumpy and matronly, they don't go to a big enough size, they're huge tent-like sacks, they have ludicrous clown print fabric, or if they're any good, they're so expensive that you'd have to sell a kidney to be able to afford them.

But somehow, we find clothes that we like and we wear 'em, cos that's what you do with clothes. This is where we fatties find a whole new bunch of complications. It's the CLOTHING/FASHION POLICE! Yes, those fabulous people who LOVE to cast their judgement over what you are wearing, and make comments either to you, or behind your back, or worse, in a room full of people that causes you vast embarrassment.

You know the ones. They tug on your clothing as if to cover your "unsightly bits" without being asked to. They say in a concerned tone "Oh you know if that skirt was just a little bit longer, it would be perfect on you." Or "You're so brave wearing so much colour, I find black very slimming." "You really like that top, don't you?" I could go on, but you're probably all used to it. All those passive-aggressive ways of passing judgement.

To start with, the world thinks it owns women's bodies and the right to judge them and comment on them. But make those bodies FAT bodies, and it's really open season. These are the people who love to tell us what is "flattering". Which usually translates to what hides your body from their view, because they find it offensive.

Here's a tip to all those people who like to make negative or judgemental comments about the clothing fat people wear:

Mind your own business. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything. If you genuinely want to compliment something, feel free, that's lovely and respectful, and it's likely to get the person wearing that outfit again. But if you want to criticise and cast judgement, keep it to yourself. Think about how you feel when someone does that to you. Does it make you feel good? Does it achieve anything positive? I don't think so.

For the fatties out there, there are some simple ways to disarm the clothing/fashion police, without stooping to their level. Here are some that I have learnt to use:

• Thank you but I have/am my own stylist.
• Does my wearing clothes that show the shape of my body bother you?
• My muu-muu is in the wash, sorry.
• Why should I wear black? Did someone die? (this one is best said in slightly hushed, worried tones)
• Nanna doesn't like it when I wear her clothes.

Here's the thing. Criticism rarely works when it comes to style. It either inspires shame, or if you're like me, I get stubborn and wear it twice as much. But when someone compliments you and says "You look nice today." or "Oh wow, I love those shoes!" the truth is, you're much more likely to wear whatever is being complimented again, because you feel good. When you feel good, you look good. It shines through you. Yes, even we fatties look great when we feel great.

Looking great doesn't necessarily mean looking thin either. Look at Queen Latifah.

She's a big girl, but she always looks AMAZING. She shows off those curves and those thighs and that butt. She doesn't hide her arms because they're not all toned like Madonna (who takes it a bit far probably!)

She glows with confidence and glamour, because it's very clear she feels good about herself.

It's not about how thin she looks, it's about how she carries herself and feels.

In the not too distant future I'll share some shopping options for we fatties (in the mean time, if you know any please leave info in the comments) but before we even get to shopping, we need to remember that our bodies are not hideous and ugly, they are not something to be ashamed of. And that when we're confident and value ourselves, we look great as well as feel great.

Food Shame and Judgement

One of my favourite blogs in the blogosphere is the Post Secret project. If you're one of the few people who have never encountered it before, it's a blog project where people send in anonymous postcards that they have made themselves, bearing a secret. The secrets featured each week (and in the books that have been published under the project) range from shocking, sad, funny, frightening to the downright bizarre.

I also follow the PostSecret twitter account, which tweets extra secrets, email replies to those published on the blog, and news about the project.

A couple of days, this secret was posted to the Twitter feed.

"When I go grocery shopping, I always feel like people are looking in my basket and judging me because I'm fat."

I re-tweeted it because I know it is actually a very common feeling amongst fatties. The response I got was pretty phenomenal. To paraphrase a few replies, they mostly broke down into:

• Oh I always feel like that.
• Thank God for online shopping
• Do people really comment on what others have in their shopping baskets? (the answer is yes)
• I always put the toilet paper/water/magazines on top of my food.
• I feel the same when eating out.

I thought about it for a bit and realised that I too used to hide/feel ashamed for the contents of my shopping trolley, and for what I was eating when eating out. I used to be terribly self conscious that other people are judging me when I had any connection with food in public.

This is not purely from paranoia from being a fat woman. This is because quite often, people would comment or insult me* with regards to food in public. My "favourite" is once I was sitting in a food court eating a salad, and an old couple walked past me, and the woman said to the man, loud enough for me and several people in the surrounds to hear "Ugh, people like that shouldn't eat."

I was horrified and humiliated at the time, but on further thought now, since I have my self esteem at a healthy level and don't give a shit what strangers think, my thought is "So I'm supposed to just starve to death lady because my fat body doesn't please you?" And do you know what? The answer is yes. Some people have the attitude that fat people should just not exist. That if they had their way, they would simply remove them from existence.

I know, it's really harsh, isn't it? But there is a certain number of the population who truly feel this way.

Fuck them I say.

To those of you who feel this sense of judgement on you around food, you have every right to buy, cook, eat, taste, enjoy any food you like. If someone is so removed from their own lives (or perhaps so loathsome of their own lives) that they have to cast judgement on other people regarding what they eat, then there's something seriously wrong with them. Because a happy, healthy person doesn't care a jot what other people have in their shopping basket, or on their plate, except perhaps to eye off something interesting.

To those who feel the need to comment/judge others on what they are eating/buying in public, I say "Get a life!"

*Remember, I don't tell you these stories for pity or to gain attention, this is simply to illustrate what I have experienced and what some people's attitudes are like.