Shame on You...

I bet most of you have experienced this one:

You're in a doctor's office. You have a cold, or you've hurt yourself somehow, or perhaps you've got a rash. You tell the doctor about the owie or the icky, and he/she shakes her head and says in a stern, disapproving tone "Well, you do need to lose some weight, don't you?"

Or what about this one:

You're in a public place, say a restaurant or food court of a shopping centre. You're having lunch, nothing special, just lunch. Someone passing by or at the nearest table says "Look at that fat pig. People like that shouldn't eat, that's disgusting."

Maybe this one:

You're watching the news. The newsreader comes on with an article about how fat people are costing the public health system lots and lots of money. Whoever you're with turns to you and says "Don't you ever feel guilty about that?"

Ever experienced anything like these situations? If you're fat, I'm pretty sure you have, or something similar. These are all examples of fat shaming.

Fat shaming is a tactic that non-fats, the medical profession and the media have all been using for a long time. Because they all figure that if we're ashamed of ourselves as fatties, that we will go on diets and lose the weight and then we'll no longer have an OOGA-BOOGA-OBESITY-EPIDEMIC.

Here's the thing. Fat shaming has been a tactic for a very, very long time. I've had it directed at me since I can remember, which is long before I was actually fat. Once I actually got fat, it was ramped up even higher. So if I can remember it from the 70's, that means it's been going on for over 30 years right?

Actually, I've seen examples of fat shaming in vintage ads from the 50's. You know, the "Sally can't get a date because she's a big fat lardass." kind of thing.

So if fat shaming has been out there for more than 50 years, and we've got a "growing OOGA-BOOGA-OBESITY-CRISIS" these days, as the media will have you believe, does this not tell us that fat shaming actually makes the problem worse?

When I look at it, it tells me that fat shaming does a whole bunch of things. It makes fat people embarrassed or intimidated about going to the doctor to get decent health care, which would lessen their risk of being of high cost to public health. It causes fat people to avoid being active in public because of the fear of ridicule that they not only "might" suffer, but actually do suffer. It forces many women and girls into the cycle of eating disorders and exercise obsessions that are a) not sustainable and b) do more long term damage to bodies than they do any good. It causes high levels of stress in fat people so that they are at more risk to things like high blood pressure and heart disease.

And these are just a few off the top of my head.

If fat shaming actually worked, wouldn't we be finding that the rate of obesity in western culture was actually lower now than it used to be, because we've been sold the same line for a good 30+ years now? Surely if fat shaming was effective, the obesity rate would be decreasing, rather than increasing.

So here's the thing. It's a crock of shit. If you hear doctors, the media, and the general public (which includes your family, friends and colleagues) using fat shaming to try to guilt you/anyone/society in general into somehow miraculously making yourself thin, question it.

That goes for you too non-fatties who might be reading this blog.

Ask the questions about why they do it. Are they doing it because it is known that it actually works, or are they doing it because a) it's so ingrained in our culture that fat people should be ashamed of themselves that it's just what's done, or b) because they're projecting their own fear of being fat and self loathing onto the people who represent the things they are afraid of/most loathe about themselves?

If you're a fatty that is on the receiving end of some fat shaming, maybe it's worth thinking about the damage that actually accepting and carrying that shame is doing to you. Maybe it's time to refuse to accept and carry that shame.

The little trick I've found is to think of that fat shame as a big steaming pile of shit. And don't pick it up if it's offered to you! When I am handed a stinky pile of fat shame shit, I think to myself "Ummm... that's YOUR fat shame shit, not mine, I'm not going to carry it, thank you very much." Where it's possible, I challenge it to the person trying to hand it to me, but sometimes it's not possible, so I just raise my chin a little, think to myself "No thanks" and move on, be it literally or figuratively.

Fat shame is pointless and there is no reason you have to accept it. It's not even going to help you if you did.

When Lady Journalists Attack

Well, have I got something for you tonight! This article was published in the Courier Mail (Brisbane, Australia) today with the dramatic title of "Plus-size Models Doing Big Girls No Favour".

In it, the author, Susie O'Brien suggests that the increase in plus-size models in the fashion market are not a good idea because it gives the impression that it's ok to be fat. She also criticises television shows like Drop Dead Diva and the fact that retailers are starting to provide fashionable clothing for plus-sized women. To quote her directly:'

But there are also many larger people who are just plain fat, and who would be better off being encouraged to lose weight rather than always be told it's ok to be overweight.

Now firstly, I don't know about you, but I've never experienced being "always told it's ok to be overweight". ALWAYS told that Ms O'Brien? I am wondering where you got that idea. Perhaps it was the people on the street who yell encouragingly at fat women "Go for it sister!! Rock that hot fat body you sexy thing!" Or the constant news pieces about how AWESOME it is that there is an obesity crisis going on in our country. Maybe it's those doctors that tell us that our wonderful fat bodies protect us from disease and illness?

Oh hang on... that's in the reverse universe! Silly me. *eyeroll* Ms O'Brien dear, back to this universe hmmm?

She then goes on to say:

But it's time to get real - fat people may be happier but they're also digging their graves with a fork, and we're all paying for it.

Firstly, last time I looked I was a tax payer, in fact a taxpayer that has one of the highest quotas in relation to my income, because as a single, woman without children who works full time, and has private health cover, I'm not collecting anywhere from the Government for the tax I pay. So am I not entitled to a piece of my tax dollar coming back to me? Fat people pay tax too y'know Ms O'Brien.

And secondly, here we go again, the old fat people shame trick. All of us fatty pigs that are going to die and make the rest of "normal society" pay their hard earned dollars for us to be happy and fat.

Now, they didn't publish my comment that I left on this article, probably because it makes sense, but what I asked is this - If shaming and pressuring people into thinness actually worked to make the "obesity crisis" go away, wouldn't we have seen evidence of this by now? After all, Westerners have been heavy into the diet thing for some decades now. I know that my Grandmother has been dieting and felt shame about her weight all my life, and as you know I'm past 35. I daresay she was doing so before I was born. It was really the 50's and 60's that saw the diet/body obsession culture kick off, and then it kind of went nuclear in the 80's. So if all these decades of shame and body obsession and thin = beauty actually worked, wouldn't the levels of obesity in our culture be decreasing, not increasing? Wouldn't the average be smaller than in the past, than larger?

Perhaps, just perhaps, by empowering people with confidence, strong self esteem, and a sense of achievement and a place in society, they're more likely to be productive, healthy members of that society? They're more likely to have the confidence to take on a productive role in society, to be active and willing participants in life rather than shutting themselves away in shame and embarrassment.

I certainly think so.

But what I think sums up Ms O'Brien perfectly is this sentence.

Losing weight is hard work. It takes sacrifice and effort. As a mother of three in my late 30's with a new gym membership, I know this first-hand.

I think I understand. Perhaps Ms O'Brien doesn't like her own body. If she doesn't like her own body, how dare anyone that she considers fatter than her like theirs? Everyone should put in all that sacrifice and effort that she is. Let alone all that money she spent on her fancy gym membership. Perhaps if Ms O'Brien stopped worrying about how everyone else is living their lives, and focused on letting go of her own body issues, she might realise that it's none of her business.